Usually people say that it's better to talk about things, right? And this was something I had kept to myself outside of here for a long time. I've been quiet for nearly a year. I mean, I started getting worried the first time he came around.

I figure I'm going to need to explain this properly.

I'm on about my mum's friend, basically. I told her yesterday how weird I felt about it. I didn't say don't see him anymore or anything like that I just explained why I was being odd. I honestly really like the guy. Is it possible to like someone and feel incredibley threatened by them at the same time?
All this and they aren't even together.

Okay. Right.

I've been feeling weird since I had the dream about Hugh. I just feel at the moment that all the things that he said about me are right and I'm horrible and all that stuff. And then with my mum's friend being around here loads I'm scared that he's going to change everything again. I'm not used to having men around so much, and it's difficult to get used to. And my mum keeps going on about how nice he is which makes me scared she likes him and then I get scared we have to go through the whole Hugh thing again. And right now she and John are at church with him and his daughter and I'm scared of getting pushed out. My family is all I have and I don't know what I'd do if someone took that away. So I sort of said that's how I felt because my mum was going to invite him round yesterday because he was sad and then I just kind of blurted that she was seeing him tomorrow anyway (today. Church).
She told me that he's nothing like Hugh (she can't know that. Men show what they want you to see until they know they're not going anywhere.) She said that it would never start like she and Hugh started and she wouldn't let anyone push her into anything the way that Hugh did. She said that she would never be with anyone that treated me and John as badly as Hugh did.

And now she's worried about me. Mum said that she would rather me tell her what I'm feeling than not at all but now she's worried and I know that telling her what I was thinking was a selfish thing to do. It's like Hugh always blaming me for all her problems and it's kind of right. I mean, she's got this guy who's her friend and who's nice and I made her worry about me. I didn't mean to. I just sort of got myself into a situation where I couldn't get out of saying what I was thinking because she wouldn't let me leave. She said that she feels the same and that the idea of being with someone scares that hell out of her and that she is no where near ready to be with anyone again yet anyway.

I didn't mean to make her worry.

I feel like crap.

Ah well. At least it's Postsecret day.

Is it just me or does anyone else find the BMW advert really, really annoying?

Track: Naive - The Kooks