I watched the repeat of The Autistic Me on BBC3 last night and absolutely hated it. I honestly don't know what was wrong with me, thinking it was so great the first time round. I think I just got excited with the thought of it provoking enough feeling in viewers to actually make them care about the subject. Because that really would have happened. After that pile of crap I think people could actually care less. I swear they did all they could to present the three boys as no hopers who would never get anywhere no matter how hard they tried.

And the worst thing? John watched it with me because I encouraged him. I only did it because I was wearing my rose tinted glasses and thought he would find it interesting. I mean, he's totally obsessed with all things autism at the moment. He got pretty angry about the slide of the documentary. He didn't blame me or anything, and was really sweet when I apologised, but I still feel guilty.

In some ways though, it did make for an interesting evening. It's amazing the extent to which John actually thinks about things. When you look at him staring dazedly at the television you could easily think there's not much going on in his mind but that really isn't the case.

He genuinely does not see himself as someone who is "disabled" and I love that. I also hate that I could have ruined that for him by being stupid and not thinking about that program properly first time round. I guess it's good for him to see how other people like him cope though. My mum was upset about the program too, but like me enjoyed talking with John about his opinions on everything. She said it kind of make her feel like she'd done a good job, since John doesn't feel at all limited by well... himself.

Track: Feeling Sorry - Paramore