I realised today I might actually have more time for blog again this week because I don’t have too much terrifying homework. I have a couple of ongoing projects but other than that it’s all small stuff. For example this weekend I’ve only had one small evaluation to write for science (something I still haven’t done). It’s been nice.

My dad came round to see us again yesterday to give us an update on what’s happening with my gran. It isn’t going well. Mentally she’s gone now, I think. She isn’t the same person anymore. Seeing her is kind of difficult, not just because it’s weird but because I’m scared to go in on my own and my mum is worried she’s going to start dragging up things that aren’t talked about. It would be especially bad if anything was said in front of John too, because it’s difficult to explain things to him.

My dad is in kind of a mess. I feel pretty sorry for him, actually. Because my gran’s chances of going home are slowly decreasing he’s having to find a way of paying for residential care. He’s a mason (weird, I know) and so he went to them but it sounds like they’re turning him down. He and his dad were both involved with that crap and personally, I think their not helping him now renders the whole thing a waste of time. I said this to him yesterday and he kind of agreed.
So it looks like he’s going to have to sell my gran’s house. This makes me so angry. He should be selling his house but because it’s Mandy’s (she keeps her money completely separate from him and won’t let him sell, basically) and Mandy won’t move into my gran’s house as it is because it’s not high tech enough. My dad has been talking about moving into the bungalow for as long as I can remember. Long before Mandy came on the scene and I can’t believe she’s making him sell just because she can’t stand not having a totally luxury house. They could move in and save, like everyone else does.
This is why I hate talking to him so much – everything he says you can practically see Mandy behind him pulling on the puppet strings.

A friend is annoying me. They’re whining on and I feel bad because I whine on but the thing is she had a stomach bug and she’s totally planning on coming to school tomorrow and spreading her stupid germs around and I don’t want a stomach bug because if I give it to John I don’t know what will happen. I want to ask her not to come in but I can’t exactly do that. Now I’m really worried. I mean, he’s had a cold since but I don’t know what his body can take anymore. And sickness bugs always scared me anyway. Can I ask someone to stay off school? No. Shit. A sickness bug would mean he wouldn’t keep down his meds. Maybe I should just not go in. But I missed a day last week. Shit, shit, shit. Why can’t people just stay at home when they’re ill? I can’t ask her to stay at home. Can I? The meds thing hadn’t even occurred to me until now. What do I do?

EDIT: I asked her not to go in. She said she's coming anyway unless she's sick again. And she probably won't be now. I can't actually believe that. I told her why. Fuck, she KNOWS why. And it's not like I can just avoid her and it then be fine, everyone I know hangs out with her. People will be in a lesson with her and then a lesson with me.

No one I know actually gives a shit about me. I don't care if I'm over dramaticising. Until this moment, as much as she pisses me off sometimes she was the one person I thought sort of cared about me. Apparently not. Even not giving a shit about me she should understand about John. She's the one that wants to be a fucking doctor.

I suppose I could just skip school this week.

I shouldn't have told my mum. Crap. It's so unfair. Everything about him is going to effect his life so much and no one gives a shit. No one.