My mum is miserable and as usual there is absolutely nothing that I can do to help.
She’s frustrated about her job and about money and how nothing ever works out the way she would have liked it to. I mean, I understand why. She has worked non-stop for the last month and has earned practically nothing because the people that she works for don’t seem to understand she needs to earn a living.
This big sales company just rejected her books so now she has decided that they are crap and that she should give up on writing and get a normal job. But then she decides that she won’t be able to do that either, because she thinks no one will hire her because of her age. I think that they probably would hire her. She’d just hate whatever she ended up doing.
And then there’s the Hugh issue. She feels guilty about it because he doesn’t even call half the time anymore. He keeps going on to her about how me and my brother are horrible to him etc. I’m actually not horrible to him. To be fair, John is, but Hugh has been awful to him so I’m not going to try and stop it. So there’s that and a million other things Hugh keeps telling her she’s done wrong.
I don’t understand Hugh. For 10 years he didn’t want her to be needy, he didn’t want to make an actual commitment to her and he didn’t want anything to do with the way we live our lives. Suddenly, my mum decides to let him get on with it and stop hoping he will change and acts as though he never did anything wrong. Like, everything that happened in the last 10 years… well… didn’t happen. But the fact is, it did. He is miserable now in circumstances that he made. I don’t see what my mum has to feel guilty about.
Then there’s me. I hate that part of the reason she is miserable is my fault. She blames herself for how much I hate Hugh and how mad I am at my dad. This, if I’m honest, I don’t get either. She couldn’t control to fact that Hugh turned out to be a prick. Okay, she didn’t send him away when she should have but it’s still him that chose to be horrible… how’s that her fault?
And with my dad she thinks that’s her fault because she divorced him (incidentally, for the exact same reasons I want nothing more to do with him. Which is quite funny, when you think about it). Again, her blaming herself doesn’t make any sense. Yeah, she sent him away but he chose to not properly be around.
So… yeah. If anyone had any idea what I could do to help it would be…. Helpful. I’m useless with this stuff. I keep trying but nothing works so.. any advice would be appreciated.
Track: Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) – Green Day
