John left for his camping trip this morning. I won't see him again until Friday, it's so weird. I miss him already, even though he wouldn't even be here now normally. I'm scared too, scared that it'll trigger..
I'm pretending I'm not worried though, because I know my mum is freaking out and if I worry it'll make her worse. I've decided that I need to be a stronger person. I will not transfer my worries onto my mum, she has enough of them as it is.
I think that John is going to have an amazing week. The socialisation will be good for him, but at the same time he has his own tent so he will be able to be on his own when he needs to. They are going out for a meal tonight and in a couple of days to an outdoor theatre. There's some really good bike rides around where they are staying so they are going to rent bikes and take all of them around the area. John loves his cycling. He;s really good at it as well, we're so proud of him for that. It took him a long time to lern to ride a bike, but he can do it really well now. When he was in secondary school he always chose the biking for a week of his activities week.
I think that he'll be looked after well. Overall his college have been pretty brilliant for him. They have given him a lot of oppertunity to socialise and there is such a difference in him from when he first started.
In some ways it'll be nice for me to, to have a bit of a break. I love John but he does love to criticise anything and everything that I do. He's become such a picky person in the last few months, everything has to be just so more than it ever was before and this really doesn't fit in with how I am (very, very messy). I have realised that I just don't do perfect.
Hopefully Hugh will stay away this week. He normally does. I had plenty of oppertunity to annoy him yesterday, which was fun. I did enjoy bringing up my mum's friend's name a lot as well to see Hugh's expression but since I'm so freaked out by that it isn't fun anymore.
Hugh's already decided to ruin Christmas. I can't believe they're arguing about it now. I think this would have to be the earliest it's ever started. I haven't enjoyed Christmas for about the last five years, he always ruins it. I don't understand it, I honestly don't. He has this compulsion to spoil everything.
He booked the cottage in Yorkshire, even though my mum told him not to and now he's saying that she said go ahead and book, when she didn't. What she did say was book it tentatively so we had the choice nearer the time. Now he says he will go by himself. Whether or not he actually will, I don't know. He'll still screw everything up from a distance though.
We're supposed to be going on holiday with him again in a month or so. We're only going because my mum loves the dales so much. I told her yesterday that I think she should cancel it, and we'll find some other wau of going up there. She won't. No one ever listens to me. I wish I had somewhere else I could go for that week. I don't even enjoy hating Hugh this much. I really do. I really want to hurt him.
I hope I never feel that way about anyone else.
Track: Let Go - Frou Frou
