Angst? Me? Never.

I had a bit of a crappy day. I don’t exactly know why, I’ve just felt kind of sad. The photos were cancelled though, which was good. They’re after Easter now. I’m happy that we don’t have to have them but like… I was sort of ready to have that over with.

Then there was maths. For some reason I have been lumped in with the annoying people so my maths teacher has moved me to the front. When I say front, I really do mean front. My nose is practically touching the board. I actually have to look up to see it properly.

Then I threw my pen at the girl next to me. It was an accident. I don’t know what happened really, I was playing with it because I was getting kind of flustered because I’m sort of a bit more aware of someone in my maths class than I would like to be and I was annoyed that I was right at the front and freaking out about the fact that I swear I’m going to fail module 5. So yeah, being “aware” of someone is actually the last thing I need just at the moment.

I read the second Vampire Knights this evening. It was good. I love those books. I love Zero.

And then there was PE. We changed groups last week and me and Kailee and Jemma chose nurf ball because we didn’t know what it was and it sounded kind of fascinating.

My group is horrible. They all yell at me all the time and tell me that I’m useless and then I space out and miss something important then there’s more yelling. And I think they probably take the piss when I’m not looking at them as well, they were doing it to Jemma.

Plus the fact that I’ve gained weight is INCREDIBLY obvious in my PE kit. Which makes the whole ordeal even better. This is so crap. Like, when I chose that option I noticed that it was a bit of a crappy group but me, being the stupid, naïve person I am thought that since everyone has done quite a bit of growing up in the last couple of years it would be okay. It isn’t okay. So my one lesson a week I have a break for is now a nightmare.

Which is just, you know, perfect.

Track: Screening Process - Lauren Fairweather

We had our year 11 group photo today. It was really funny. They made us stand on these big metal stair things (are they called bleachers to american type people?) in the order of our height. It was actually wierd being put together with the people in our form that we haven't really talked to properly since about year 9. They're all tall now! It's really wierd! When did they grow?!

Tomorrow is the bad one. The alone photo. It was meant to be today but they took like 2 hours to photograph one form so they got cancelled for the rest of the day. I then tried to sneak into Rose's lesson so I didn't have to go cross the bridge for a pointless 20 minutes of RE. It didn't work. We still didn't go back though, because with the people I was with teachers just think we're wandering around for a reason. I think it's really funny in my school the way you can just sit aimlessly in corridors without any teachers thinking there's anywhere you should be. And they wonder why there's an attendance problem...

So anyway, single photos tomorrow. I am the most un-photogenic person ever I'm dreading this. These ones go in the year book as well.

I also think that I might have accidentally ordered a hoodie that we can't afford.
I'm getting kind of worried about it.
I thought they meant "are you interested in having one"
I think they actually meant "do you want one?"

Crap, crap, crap.

Track: I'm Going To Hogwarts - Lauren Fairweather

So this morning hasn't gone very well so far. I woke up early and disturbed my mum's working to bitch about my media teacher. (I don't know why this is on my mind so much but he just really, really annoys me) Then I accidentally woke John up (this is why i shouldn't get up in the mornings) so then I had to make him un-moody by asking him if he wanted to play Burnout (Play station game. It's the only game I'm actualy good at.) and that worked. He got all happy again. But THEN he thought his program on at 10 was actually on at 9 because of the clocks going (forward/back? God, I don't know) and then when it was on at 10 not nine he got all moody again and then I tok the mick because I said it was on at 10 not 9 thinking he wasn't actually in a mood but he was so now I've made everyone pissed off.

On the up side I some some really nice breakfast cerial this morning. And it wasn't even unhealthy. Although, I can imagene that in the vast quantities I am now going to eat it, it will be.

So then I tried to cheer John up by putting on goggles I've had since I was nine and floating round the sitting room pretending to be Aqua Marina (with goggles). I think he just wondered what I was doing to be honest but when he asked me I obviously couldn't say.

It didn't work and my eyes now feels as though they have been shoved back into my brain. My had has aparently grown significatly since I was nine (Should I be worried by that? I don't notice that my head is particularly bigger than anyone elses...)

I couldn't believe it when this guy in my media class said he had never heard of Stingray.

Although the subject did come up when he was saying how he thought that Steve Irwin was killed by a wasp.

I actually drew a (by which I mean copy and pasted then added goggles on paint) or Aqua Marina but it won't upload .

I am going to be so embarassed by this post later.

How can you not have heard of Stingray?!

OMG VAMPIRE KNIGHTS IS AMAZING!

I really was planning on reading it tomorrow but omg it just looked so good and I couldn't get Naruto to work... basically I finished it and it is AMAZING. Because who doesn't love vampires? They're pretty hot too (Yes I just called a drawing hot.)

I don't think even Robert Pattinson could ruin this.

Did I ever go into quite how bad Twilight was on here?

God it was awful. I got so bored. Then I laughed and everything was okay again. I'm like the only person that thought it was really awful. I actually made someone I didn't know that well dislike me because I went on about how crap it was so much.

It really was though.

So yeah. I've had a pretty good evening. Scrubs, Vampire Knights, Doctor Who and now Pushing Daisies.

I fully acknowledge the fact that I don't have a life. But whatever, I'm actually happy for once so I don't even care. God it was creepy Doctor Who one. It was the one in series 2 with the hospital and the infected people and ewww. Except then the Doctor made them all better and it was okay again.

I like being a nerd.

Track: My Life Would Suck Without You - Kelly Clarkson

As far as my dislike for my media teacher goes... I'm beginning to suspect that the feeling is entirely mutual. He's just kind of.. abrupt with me where he is really chatty with everyone else. Like today, I asked if I could take my folder home and he barely even looked at me and half nodded. Lol, I think he really isn't used to the feeling of having someone not liking him.

Today I ran up a totally huge hill. It was really awesome because a couple of months ago I wouldn't have been able to do it. I didn't think I'd manage the whole way up but then I did and it was partly down to watching Stranger Than Fiction last night! I'm not going to go into why but... omg. It's such a great film. It really makes you think.

Please don't be put off by the fact it's Will Ferrel. I know the films he normally does are total crap but this one is really, really good.

Oooh. I'm excited because I have something really great to read this weekend. I feel kind of bad though, I haven't even looked at the book I should be reading at the moment for about two weeks but like... with all the revision and stress of the last couple of weeks by the time I've had time to read I've just wanted to sleep.

ANYWAY the book I have been lent today is a graphic novel so it shouldn't take long to read and it looked SO GOOD.

SO GOOD.

I don't know why I'm posting an exmaple of like everything I type. I guess I'm just trying to make a boring post more intersting. Plus like, I'm waiting for an episode of Naruto to load so I can watch it so I guess I'm really just filling in time. It's wierd having a night off from revision and stuff, I don't know what to do with myself.

My dad still hasn't contacted us. I had a conversation about it with my mum earlier.

Me: I don't think I'm going to be able to go out with you and John anywhere this weekend, sorry. I have too much work to do.

Mum: It's okay, I can't really take him out either. Hopefully dad will or something.

Me: You've heard from dad then?

Mum: No. I don't know whether he'd back yet.

Me: *silence*

Mum: This is getting a bit ridiculous now.

Me: He's an arsehole.

Mum: *gives Lydia a "look"*

Beany agrees with me. When I told her today that I didn't know what country he was in she said,

"Wherever he is he's a twat."

I love my friends.

Track: Almost - Bowling For Soup

I PASSED
I PASSED
I PASSED
I FREAKIN' PASSED

IN FACT, I MORE THAN PASSED! I DID WELL!

I got a C for my roleplay and only lost like 2 marks throughout the whole thing AND I got a B for my conversation. AND my teacher said that I should really consider going for higher speaking next time.

Yayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayay!

Although, I did kind of embarass myself afterwards. Basically, my teacher was saying how we don't have to write up our controlled coursework (THANK YOU) tomorrow and that my lesson was in room 11 (it wasn't) and afterwards I said "Okay yeah." Now, you would think that that simple statement would get my message across but oh no. By this time I was so overwhelmed by the fact that I'd done the exam it was over and I hadn't failed I proceeded to say it five more times. On about the third time I started telling myself not to say it again. For a while I really thought I was never going to stop.

I did, eventually and when I looked at my teacher she was looking at me like I was a crazy person (she's right). Then I left quickly so I couldn't say Okay Yeah again.

I also said that half of 22 was 12 in my science lesson today. It was embarassing. I'm hoping now my science teacher knows that I'm an idiot that can't be asked anything and that he will leave me alone from now on.

The fact that it's German is completely irrelevant. I love Scrubs AND I PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSESSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

What kind of stupid language has the same word for time and weather?

Track: I Like Giants - Kimya Dawson

The girl in my year that got pregnant had her baby yesterday after 48 hours of labour, I might add. I've never actually spoken to her but I hope and Sean are very happy together and manage the whole parenting thing. The baby is so cute. Rich is best friends with her dad so I got to see a picture. Such a cute baby. I hope they're both okay. The mum is going to this special school place where teenage mum's in this area go. I didn't know that it existed but then again I'm not suprised. We're supposed to have one of the highest rates of teenage pregnancy in the country.

We had this harekrishna (sp?) Hindu guy come in and talk about his religion in RE today. God it was funny. I know that makes me sound awful but it really was. He made us chant. And one of the idiot boys in my class had to dress up as Krishna. It involved a furry dress and wierd quiff wig. He also threw a load of holy water at me at one point. I wasn't too happy about it. Plus like, I'm a Christian so I wasn't sure if I should feel wierd about it. The dressing up part was so funny though, my RE teacher took lots of photos so I'm guessing a guy in a furry dress is going to be in my school's magazine next month. Should be funny.

I have my speaking mock tomorrow. At 1.30 pm when everyone else is having lunch or whatever I'll be failing my speaking mock. I'm actually so scared. I mean like, I've tried really, really hard but I still haven't learnt all of the blocks of questions. I've managed to learn 3 our of four.

Oh yeah, and I had my mind poisoned today. There is this girl in my year who isn't... subtle about, well, anything and today in science she decided to make a bet that anything anyone said she could connect to sex. Omg it was... odd. And kind of educational She also decided to point out how dodgey to language exams are (oral and roleplay) which really is the last thing I need in my head while I'm trying to concentrate on spanish. Speaking of which, my 15 minutes are up. I now have to sit and talk to myself about holidays in spanish.

Track: Pork and Beans - Weezer

Back to the spanish revision. I am slowly loosing the will to live. The test is on Thursday. I'm so scared that she's going to ask me a question and I'm not going to understand this. All the memorising won't help me then. I'm going to try recording myself asking questions on my phone so I can hear it without knowing beforehand what I'm answering.

It makes sense in my head.

Today was ok. Before I got to school I got really pissed off again, about my dad and stuff. I decided to hit the wall. It wasn't a very good idea. It really hurt my fingers. I've also sort of come to a decision. Like.. why should I wait around for him to come see us when he feels like it? I want to decide when I see him and right now.. I don't want to see him when he chooses to me just because I want to make a point. I'm done waiting around for him.

Everything got a bit better when I got to school though. Oddly, I had an interesting science lessons involving lungs and stuff which sort of took my mind off stuff. I also realise that Beany is kind of complicated, and that she totally didn't want to talk about what we talked about on Friday. That was kind of weird. She has now decided that I am some angry feminist (like her) because I've decided I'm seeing my dad on my terms (whether or not this is something I will actually do is slightly questionable.) and so announced to everyone at our lunch table that I was "sticking it to that man". (whatever that means). She'd be mad than sad, and tbh, I think that's the way to go with it.

I kind of lost my train of thought there.

Also, today in maths we were going through equations and stuff and when we were on the E and G grade questions my teacher said to me (in front of everyone, I might add) "Lydia, you might be able to answer this one."
Charming. I hate her.

Right. My 15 minutes are up (work for 20, break for 15 otherwise my brain will blow up from all the memorising).

15 minutes goes so quickly.

Track: Bicycle Bicycle You Are My Bicycle - Be Your Own Pet

I didn't think we were going to have fun this morning.

Everyone's been awake most of the night the last 2 nights because John keeps getting up and stuff. He kept just hovering in front of my mum's bedroom door and we didn't know why. He's been acting really wierdly lately so we started worrying a bit. He can't like... exactly express what he feels so it's difficult. He really can't deal with not feeling well either. In the end mum worked out it was because he was scared he was going to have a seizure. He has become gradually more hypocondriacal since the eppilepsy started.

This morning we had plans to go to Greenway but when we got there the man said we should have booked a parking space (we have never had to book before). He then helpfully told us that if we had of come on a horse he would have let us in without a booking. What a twat.

So then we went to Cockington. It was actually fun. Like, really fun. I feel all depressed being home now because I have to spend the rest of the afternoon learning spanish speaking questions and my mum has to work. John's watching tv .

Some pictures?

We took loads of photos like the first one trying to fit everybody in. Eventually this swedish tourist lady decided enough was enough and came and took the photo for us. It's annoying because I look really fat but it's the only half decent photo of all of us so I wanted to put it up.

Jade Goody died this morning. I know everyone probably already knows. It's really sad. It makes it even worse that it happened on Mother's Day. I feel awful for her kids. The thing I read said that she went in her sleep though, so at least it was peaceful. I feel kind of bad, saying all that about how our Mother's Day was really great and everything while her family's has been hell.

RIP, Jade Goody.

My mum just texted my dad to ask him what was happening tomorrow.

He's on his way to France.

That's more than a month now. He doesn't care about me. At all. His own stupid, narrow life is more important to him than I would ever be. He could have contacted me. His phone hasn't broken has it. He could of at least texted me in that time.

I just turned on my stupid phone again, seeing if he had.

He hasn't.

I don't care.

I don't.

Track: Untouchable Face - Ani DiFranco

FINALLY THE END OF THE WEEK.

And I have decided that Friday is my night off. I'm not going to do anything.

I got my mum's Mother's Day present sorted as well.

I got her this coffee thing. She's wanted one for ages. I was lucky that it was in an obvious place in the shop because I didn't know what it was called. And it isn't "coffee maker".

Mr Media Teacher seemed to behave himself today. A couple of people said they'd have a word with him for me but I said no. I don't want them to do that, I know that I need to say something really. I'm mad at myself that I haven't it's just... I'm really, really bad at that stuff. I blush. Majorly. Lol, I just thought.. people have grown up so much since year 7. I blush a lot and people used to take the piss out of my because of it. They don't do that anymore. Although there are the really annoying people that say "You've gone red." YOU CAN FEEL WHEN YOU GO RED YOU KNOB. Anyway, that rant has been done many a time.

I don't really have any plans for Mother's Day. We probably won't be able to do much because mum has so much work at the moment . Hopefully we'll be able to go out for coffee somewhere or something though.

I don't know if I'm seeing my dad. I can't on Sunday, obviously and I don't think I really can go over on Saturday 'cause I have too much work to do and I never get any done when I'm there because I spent so much time getting angry.
It's really stupid but last night like, I charged up my phone after it had been dead for about a week and like... I haven't had any contact with my dad for about 5 weeks now and I kind of thought maybe that was because he had texted me or something. He hadn't. It's so stupid that I was dissapointed though, even if he had of texted me I would have just felt bad anyway. But why doesn't he want to talk to me? Five weeks is a long time. Well, sort of anyway. And he hasn't even told us if he's seeing us this weekend. This is stupid, I'm just creating problems for myself. If he wants his own life then that's fine with me. I don't even care.

Track: Engines Make My Hot - Lauren Fairweather

I like the sun. The sun is nice. So is benching. Benching is a new term Kailee made for sitting on a bench and spying on people in cars. It's a pretty fun thing to do, it's so kewl when you see someone driving past singing without even thinking about it. Like, that the song has given them that feeling which makes them feel like they just have to sing along befotre their head blows off.
I love that apart.
However, the amount of creepy truck drivers that beep their horns when they drive past is getting a little... disturbing. One of them winked at me. Ew.

Jemma loves The Host which is exciting. I might finally be able to about a book with someone that isn't Twilight. It's still by Stphenie Meyer but it's a good start .

I got so wound up today (unusual, I know) because of my head of year/media teacher. He is that teacher that everybody (except me, it seems) totally loves. I think that he is fake and a blantant liar for a variety of reasons I'm sure I've gone into before. Anyway, back to today. There is this boy in my media group who is... well, he hs issues to say the least. The thing about him is that nobody seems to have taught him what you do and don't say. He says a lot of horrible things about people with special needs. Today he said something disgusting. The media teacher did barely anything. He just said something like Hey Don't Say That Someone In Here Might Have Special Needs Or A Brother Or Sister With Special Needs and so on. That was the first time the guy had even said anything like that which I guess is an improviement. But he doesn't do anything that would actually ensure that the person doesn't say it again.
And then 5 seconds later someone did something and he, THE TEACHER made a comment about the guys obsessuive behaviour and Was He Autistic Or Something?
I got so pissed off. I should have said something I know but I couldn't. I don't know why. Then obviously everyone repeats back to him what he had said a second before What If Someone's Brother Or Sister Has Special Needs etc and his answer was simply "I'd Know."

You don't know anything you hypocrite.

It just makes me so angry. I know my brother's special needs aren't that bad, I know that but it's still so hard sometimes. None of the stupid twats in my class have to go home to someone who is punching themself repeatedly in the head and biting and hurting themself for reasons that they can't tell you. None of them try and fail to stop the person that they love from doing that. None of them have ever been the cause of the person doing that. None of them have ever had the live with the most selfish person on the planet and having the accept that "he can't help it". None of them have to feel guilty because they can't be all they should be for that person, because the fact them being stressed and not reacting properly to something brings that horrible, dissapointed look into their brothers eyes. He doesn't know that I'm stressed, he doesn't understand that and yet I get mad at him for it anyway. None of them know what ANY OF THAT feels that.

And yet they feel they can take the piss anyway.

I hate all of them. And most of all I hate that teacher. He is a fraud who claims to care about everyone but in the end cares more about what the chavvy, twat boys in my year think about him.

It makes me so mad.

Track: Brain Stew - Green Day

Why do I have to be so freakin' weak all the time?

I will never cry over school work again.
I will never cry over school work again.
I will never cry over school work again.
I will never cry over school work again.
I will never cry over school work again.
I will never cry over school work again.
I will never cry over school work again.
I will never cry over school work again.
I will never cry over school work again.
I will never cry over school work again.
I will never cry over school work again.
I will never cry over school work again.
I will never cry over school work again.
I will never cry over school work again.
I will never cry over school work again.
I will never cry over school work again.

I won't throw my spanish books around either.

God I was suck a sulky bitch today. The one teacher in my school who actually seemed to care about whether I was there or not and I've probably alienated her now.

Honestly though. I have to memorize about 30 speaking questions and answers by next Thursday, a 200 word piece of coursework written by this Thursday and memorized by next Friday and a whole sheet translated and memorized by this Thursday.

And I have to revise for an RE timed essay and a physics ISA. And at some points I really should do those references in my Child Development coursework.

And I have a Media Studies mock to be doing all this week.

And I have to try and get to know Lord Of The Flies which involves reading it again. Have you ever read LotF? By which I mean, has anybody ever forced you to? It has got to be the worst, most boring book ever written. I don't care about Ralph, I don't care about Piggy and I don't even care enough about Jack to think he's an arsehole.

Not that I'm going to let anything get too much. My tutor says he's going to get me a gant Chart (whatever that is) to help me organise myself.

I can't help but wonder what the point of all this is though, really. What am I going to do? I'm not exactly going to make a difference to anybody. I'm not smart enough to be a doctor, not confident enough to be an actress and I couldn't write something someone would be interested enought to read let alone be inspired by.

By I do have the sun. I have to sun and oddly enough, despite my being.. me I have 3 very close friends who made me feel properly happy this lunch. We found this really quiet bit in school where you can just sit and talk. I have never appreciated my lunch breaks so much in my life.

(I don't have one tomorrow because I have to go to spanish revision).

I know I moan about nothing. I figure this is something that'll get better as I get older. At least I hope so. Being this weak forever would suck.

Track: I Hate My Life - Theory Of A Dead Man

It's been a bit of a funny week, all things considered. All the Barcelona photos are all over Facebook. I guess I'm a little jealous, but in the end, me and Kailee and Jemma actually had a good time on our own. It's nice when the dynamics get changed a bit.

I'm not very good at keeping things in when I should. I got upset and talked to my mum about what I was upset about last night, which I didn't mean to do because then she gets upset and everything gets made worse. Like, she has enough to deal with without me saying what's in my head as well.
Although I guess it's kind of fair. She talks to me about Hugh all the time. All I say when she's on about him being unhappy is something alone the lines of "He deserves it." or "He did that to you, so why shouldn't you do it to him?" Talking about the crap stuff he did. I hate him so much. And he hates me too. And that's fine. And Mandy hates me. And that's fine too, I'll hate her back double as much. And as for my dad, she's welcome to him. It's something like 4 weeks now that I haven't spoken to him for. Nothing big happened or anything, it's just worked out like that with us going away and him working. He hasn't tried to contact me or anything. Oh well. I don't care.

We went to look after my mum's friend from the murder mysterys kids yesterday. They are both really, really nice. The girl has some problems though. She thinks it's her fault her dad isn't acting anymore (it isn't) and that she's a burdon on her mum (again, not true. If anything her mum is a burdon on her. She sounds like a right bitch.)
They were goig to come round here tonight so their dad could fill in on a murder mystery but they're not now. Their dad isn't filling in anymore.

I wish I didn't feel so funny about this whole thing. I sort of realised that I didn't want to be involved after I already involved myself. I didn't think about the implications of it or anything and found myself wanting to guy to like me 'cause I thought he was nice.
I just... I mess these things up. The people don't like me. Even though my mum says it's not like that with him but whatever.
He'll turn out to be horrible or leave anyway.

I'm going to watch a Meg Cabot thing now. I love her books. On Monday I'm going to the libary to order Coraline and Looking For Alaska. I know that LFA is sad but apparently it's a really good book. I think it will be, if Paper Towns in anything to go by.

Track: Blue Piccadilly - The Feeling

I hate child development. Why tell me to do a bibliography if what you actually want is references? Why do it to me, really? It only makes me want to hit you and throw up.

I embarrassed myself again yesterday. It was in PSHE, we are doing the RE revision section of it (yes they finally got the groups right) and we were listening to the abortion lady. I have already heard the abortion lady twice.
The thing about my RE room is that it’s really, really warm. It has something about it that just instantly sucks out all of the energy you might have had before going on there. When you don’t have any energy anyway… well, you don’t have much hope, do you?

Yes. I fell asleep.

This, unfortunately isn’t the worst of it. I don’t quite understand what happened but basically the teacher noticed and was trying to subtly (ha, right. She made everyone stare at me) ask Kailee whether or not I was ok. I think she thought I fainted or something. So then like half the people in my class thought I’d fainted (and no one did anything) and the other half thought that I was crying because of what the abortion lady was saying (again, I’ve already heard her TWICE).
When I eventually woke up I realised that my RE teacher was staring at me. At this point I thought my life was over because my RE teacher is one of the scariest woman on the planet. I figured at this point I should probably make sure I stayed awake for the rest of the lesson so I asked Kailee for some of her water. This only cemented in my teacher’s mind that I wasn’t ok and that she needed to draw further attention to me by asking me constantly whether I was okay and if I needed to go outside. She then made the abortion lady stop talking so we could all have “a break”. Then half the class started asking me if I was ok. I started blushing furiously which made everyone even more sure I was ill and… urgh. It took forever for them to leave me alone.

So yeah. That was… interesting. I hate that when I rely of the fact that I am generally invisible to people to do things like catch up on sleep, they decide to notice that I exist.
Lol, Kailee thought it was funny because everyone thought I had fainted or was having some kind of nervous breakdown and all she had done was sat there and said that I was fine. She’s such a good friend though, she knew I needed the sleep.

Today we sat on a bench and waved at people. From this we can conclude that only creepy men wave at you and that woman all give you evil stares.

I had a college interview tomorrow. It was kind of helpful, in that it has helped me to decide that I’m definitely going to the sixth form that’s attached to my school. And now, it isn’t even because I’m too scared to go anywhere else. Now, it’s because I genuinely think that this place is best for me.

I hope I’m right.

I survived the weekend. It was bad, I felt like crap AND I can’t be bothered to talk about it.

The majority of my friend’s are I Barcelona right now. Who cares, I can still have fun here, right?

I actually had a pretty funny day today. There was this whole thing in english which is going to sound very un-funny when I write about it but at the time… it was very funny. First of all my teacher got us this cd of Lord of the Flies which she thought would make reading it for the second time more exciting (I HATE LORD OF THE FLIES! IT IS A BAD, BAD BOOK!). It didn’t. And the cd didn’t work properly anyway. My teacher was trying to skip forwards on it and it kept not working so we just heard the sentence over and over again. The reader guy had a funny voice. This made me and Kailee laugh. Yes, this is the kind of person I am.
Then my teacher thought it would be a good idea to get the guys in my class more involved in the reading by having one person reading the descriptions and different people doing different voices.
What happened… well… there are no words, really.

I then very nearly didn’t make it through my maths lesson, again. Urgh, it’s awful. Also, if anyone could explain to me how to work out volume before my test tomorrow I would be very grateful. We get split off into groups and told to revise. It’s sort of a good idea in that if I get stuck I do have people to ask and I’m kind of less likely to just sit and stare into space for an hour.

Then came PE. Netball. Netball is a weird one. I’m actually really, really bad at it overall but because when I throw it at the net it goes in most of the time people assume that I’m good. I’m really not. If you watched what I did when I’m not throwing it at the net (duck, get hit in the face, etc) you would realise quite how bad I really am.
Anyway, today me and Kailee where in a different group because all of ours is in Barcelona. Felix was a part of this group, and I was lucky enough to have him marking me. A lot of pelvic thrusting was involved (his, HIS!). Felix is incredibly camp and seems to have adopted an orange tinge these days. Anyway, half way through the game for some reason he decided to tie his head inside the hood of his jumper. He couldn’t see, which was weird enough when the ball wasn’t where we were supposed to catch it… when the ball camp up our end was when the chaos started. Everyone was screaming at him to untie the hoodie from round his head but he couldn’t see anything and he’d tied the knot too tight. He was running round flailing his arms around totally missing the ball even when it flew straight past his face. He couldn’t free himself for ages. And then when he did he got hit on the head with the ball. I am laughing as I write this. It was seriously the funniest thing I have seen in ages.

You probably had to be there.

Think Friends and Joey with his head stuck in a turkey.

School is really bad at the moment. It’s so boring and pressurised. You’d think that the pressure would stop the boredom but it just doesn’t. I feel like I’m reading to start the next thing now, you know? I’m sick of all the cliques in my school, I hate half of the subjects… next year will be better. Yeah, it’ll be most of the same people but apparently about 100 people from other schools come to the sixth form which should (I hope, anyway) change how things work a bit around there. The idea of no more maths is cause for actual celebration. I can’t actually describe how boring and depressing I find that hour. Urgh. I hate it. Really. And yet I haven’t mitched a single lesson. Even when I’ve REALLY wanted to. If I fail it I will be so pissed off.

Track: Love Song - Sarah Bareilles

I'm a cheat. I'm at home. I should be at school. But I'm not.

Although I am doing child development (WHICH IS DUE IN TOMORROW ARGH) so I think I'm probably justified. I'm going in this afternoon. I have been playing with the idea of not going since Monday 'cause of the whole hammers in my head thing but have thought my lessons where too important...

That was before I got no sleep last night. It sounds pathetic, but I have this reacurring nightmare thing going on at the moment and it's scary so I eiter don't want to go back to sleep after 'cause it'll probably start again OR I can't because I'm too scared to. So yeah.

So right now I'm doing child d. I'm going into school this afternoon though. Partly because I have Chemistry and partly because I want to see Kailee. She's going to have a really bad day tomorrow. I don't know if anyone'll see this before hand but I want to text her tomorrow with something like "thinking of you" or whatever. What do I say? (she's going to a family members funeral). I want her to know like.. I care without being too... you know. Any help on that would be really great, thanks

Track: Poprocks and Coke - Green Day

Today I had to show spanish people around my school.

It was terrifying.

And yet oddly okay.

I was with Beany, thinking with the whole "new me" thing she seems to have going right now she would do all the talking for me. I didn't want her to, but that was just what I saw happening. It didn't. She just went really red and strode off ahead of everyone all the time. I freaked out a lot at that. Like.. I thought we were supposed to tell them about school and stuff.
After a little while I stopped being too terrified to speak and relaxed (a bit) and managed to talk about what we were looking at (a bit). It turned out most of them spoke really good english so they could help those that didn't know what we were talking about so much. They were all really nice people and they didn't make me feel uncomfortable or anything.

Then we thought we would show them the canteen.

I had been told that we should show them the canteen (it was recently re-done) so they had a more.. full viewing of the school. Nobody told me there was an exam going on in there. The man got so angry, especially when even after I walked in I didn't realise what was going on. He was standing there glaring at me and I didn't have a clue way. It was only when I repeated my Can We Show These People around speech then he started yelling at me about there being an exam. He then pointed at the (ridculously small and un-obviously placed) sign and yells "CAN'T YOU READ?!" One of the spanish guys was seriously unimpressed by this.

When we were done they gave us little metal bookmark present things and said we had been great tour guiders and stuff. It was really really sweet. One of them loved Felix a lot. The restraining arm around him may have been a bit much but I guess it's good to know you're appreciated.

Still feel like crap. And I got rained on a lot today. Shouldn't be blogging but now I don't have time I suddenly feel like it.

Track: I Hate My Life - Theory Of A Dead Man

This morning I woke up with a bit of a headache. I thought, "I won't bother taking anything. It'll go off on it's own." by first lessons, it has manifested into a throbbing sick-ey creappy pain. And then my eyes start where everything is too bright and they feel like someone has puhced them into my head. And then my stomach starts churning.

The ISA goes badly. I was expecting this though, so it's okay.

I work on child development through tutorial. The screen hurts my head but I am determined that I will feel better.

Third lessons, I have RE.
I have a timed essay I didn't know about and have done no revising for. I have absolutely no idea how to answer the questions. The headache makes me have to close my eyes. Eventually, I find a comfortable position where I can rest my head and start working. At some point during the trying-to-find-somewhere-to-put-my-head time I blow my question sheet off the table. I then loose many minutes trying to work out where it's gone, and make myself feel worse by panicking about it. Eventually I realise it's under the guy in front of me's chair. I can't reach it (Obviously. I mean, how else is it going to go?) so I have to disturb him and ask if he can get it for me. He's nice about it. My teacher starts laughing at me. I decide I'm going home.

I remember I have my sixth form interview. I stay.

I don't do any coursework at lunch as planned but I got a lot done earlier so I figure this doesn't matter too much.

My interview goes suprisingly well. The guy loves me, which is odd. He was really enthusiastic and positive and told me I'm making all the right choices and that applied science does count for nursing.
He bowed to me at one point. Personally I thought this was a bit much. Each to their own, I guess.

I attempt to fall asleep for the remainder of English.

Then guess what?

I have a maths test I've forgotten about.

No, really.

I don't even care about how bad I sound. I've had a crappy day I don't have a high pain threshold and I've tried really really hard to be nice to everyone (and succeeded, it seems. Kailee talked to me about stuff today which made me happy).

Then I came home in the car and thought I was going to throw up. My head gets worse (who knew that was even possible?) I think maybe I fell asleep on a scre driver and didn't notice. Although why there would be a screw driver on my pillow is beyond me.

Then we get home and John isn't back from college. John is ALWAYS back from college. This throws me into a panic.

He's fine. He was just late because the traffic was terrible.

My mum persuades me to go and lie down. I think I fell asleep. I have lost more valuable coursework time. All I'm currently doing is losing more, I know. But I felt like I wanted to share with the world what a crappy day I had.

I realise This is more likely to annoy than make people sympathise.

I also realise that I am okay with that.

Track: Mean - Pink

ARGH I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO

I really shouldn't be blogging but I feel like my head is going to blow off.

So I suddenly remembered I have the test part of my biology ISA tomorrow which I have done NO revision for so I have been frantically revising all morning only to realise that I don't know anything and that I'm going to fail. I have written myself a load of notes that I think will be useful (they don't seem to tell us what the test is actually going to be on but it usually kinda corresponds with the experiment so I'm guessing) while what I should be doing is child development/spanish revision because I have a spanish speaking test at some point this week which I had memorised last week but then we didn't do it and then I have to freak out because on Tuesday I have to show Spanish people around me school who speak an unknown amount of english and I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
Somehow I think "Si, me encanta la musica, me inspira y me ayuda conocer a nuevos amigos" isn't going to help me too much.

Crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap.

I'm reading a book that's going to stop me being average. Hopefully.

Use Your Head by Tony Buzan. Anyone read it? Apparently it's really famous but I'd never heard of it.

The music I'm listening to really doesn't fit with this but whatever.

I'M FREAKING OUT

Track: I Want You - Kings Of Leon