Archive - Angst? Me? Never.

I saw my dad yesterday.

Mum asked him to help pay for the tutoring.

I asked him to pay for the tutoring. Twice.

He said that he would.

But he didn't. He left without saying anything about it and didn't give my mum any money.

Hugh just gave mum a load of money to pay for the sessions.

Hugh.

What does he have to do with me?

Why is it his responsibility?

I don't want to owe him anything. I didn't even want to owe my dad anything, but him being my dad and me needing the sessions and all, I figured I would just have to put up with it.

My dad has so much money, but he gives us next to nothing. £100 a month. For 2 kids. That mounts up to £12.50 a week each, which Hugh helpfully pointed out isn't even enough for a takeaway.

This was my way of sorting out my issues with my dad as well. I thought that even though I know I'm never going to have a real kind of relationship with him, at least I'll know he's done this one thing for me. I can respect him for something. And he didn't even do it.

He'll give it eventually. In his time. I bet he'll pay for like 2 sessions, and think that'll be enough. What would it cost him anyway? One less DVD a week?

What was it he said to me the other week? Something like "That's what you can do when you have disposable cash kid."

When I get mad about stuff with my dad it's like this animal wakes up inside me. All jagged edges. Ripping me to peices.

Why is Hugh paying for me?

You know, when I really think about it (which I try not to) pretty much everything that is wrong with my life can be some whole blamed on my dad.

Seeing girls all cuddly and starry eyed with their dad's makes me sick. I'm not even jealous, I just think it's pathetic.

Track: All That I've Got - The Used

We finished our media studies project today. I personally think we deserve an award, especially Sophie. She was in a skirt. It is FREEZING out there. Literally.

We had a lot of fun though, I met Callum, the guy that played our clown today for the first time and he turned out to be really nice. I was sort of worried because he's one of Jasmine's actor-ey friends and they tend to be sort of confident and intimidating but Callum was nice and non-scary. If you ignored the clown suit and make-up that is.

I might have found out some useful things for John through him as well. Him and Jasmine do this arts award thing with is like DofE (except not at all) with all drama and stuff like that. Exactly the kind of thing I am terrified of but John would love. Most of what they do is run through my school, but the lady who organises the whole does do a course for special needs kids so hopefully she'd have some connections as to how I could get John on the course. I have an e mail address so I'm gunna go from there. I'll ask about other dramam activites avilaible in the area to. Getting something sorted out for John would take weight of my and my mum's mind.

After we finished filming we went into Jasmine's house for hot chocolate and biscuits and stuff and OMG her house is amazing. I didn't realise how many rich people I knew. From the size of her garden and the fact that they have their own woods AND a trampoline I was beginning to guess but their house is actually amazing. And warm, which was new :)) . It sounds like it must be really fun having the confidence and the ability to be into acting. Jasmine and Callum were talking about street theatre they've done and how Jasmine nearly got arrested for having a gun once. They were inbetween plays so they went into town and were messing around with this FAKE gun and some woman called the police because it looked like Jasmine was taking people hostage. :))