I did something embarassing today. I cried a lot. In front of my mum. About a lot of things.
We ended up having a good day, in the end. Sort of. Still have all the same problems, nothing is any nearer to being sorted but a few good hours is always nice. "Nice". Someone please, buy me a thesorous. Theasorus? You know what I mean 
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I kind of feel like there's a big monstor in my stomach, like a kind of disease that is spreading massively and making me not function properly. I sort of think about how when you're little, like, really young, and you really really cry about something your mum is meant to all sort it out. I guess after today... for a second I really honestly thought that that might happen. But it doesn't, does it? Even though everything is sortable. Well, it isn't. But I could do something that would probably be a good thing in the long run. Well, my mum could. But it isn't her fault. It's just too difficult. I just want someone to make everything better rather than worse. I get angry a lot. Most of the time I can keep stuff to myself, because you have too. But then it means that with stupid little things, you go nuts. Like, when you really want to scream and hurt someone, but you don't.. then when someone winds you up a little bit over something stupid you're really horrible and take everything way too seriously and then end up making yourself feel worse because you create another crappy situation on top of the crappy situation that made you be horrible in the first place.
I don't want to be sad all the time. I don't see why I am. People just ignore stuff, it's how they function, 'cause you have to function. So why don't I? My friends aren't sad about stuff all the time, and I know that they have stuff going on too. They don't be horrible to me because they're sad. Well, actually that isn't true. But they probably aren't as annoying as me. When does everything stop being crap? I'd like it too now. Please.
. I was sort of planning on thinking up an endless supply of excuses so I never have to go again but then I remembered my gran. :/ I only really get to see her when I'm with my dad and it's her 90th this week which I feel bad 'cause I can't go to... so I figure I'll go next weekend and then start the excuses up. Except obviously I'll have to go to see my gran sometimes 'cause I like my gran.
