2 days until I have to go on holiday.
So far, what I am basically being told is the shut up and don't complain. Hugh is being "nice" to pay for it and I should therefore be polite and act as though I would feel guilty if I ran him over.
I have decided, that I am going to take an extremely selfish, teenage attitude to this:
I didn't ask to go on holiday.
I don't want to go on holiday.
You knew what I felt about it when you booked it, so why don't you just leave me hear?
I'd be ok, I think. Maybe I could stage a kidnapping of myself tomorrow night. It would work, because they wouldn't worry. I know this because apparently when you go on holiday you leave all your problems behind, and relax. So they would forget about the kidnapper chopping off my fingers and putting them through the letter box.
Holidays heal everything 
Who knows? If I went on holiday maybe my fingers would even grow back, and my kidnapper would have a sudden change of heart and let me go. Afterall, who doesn't relax on a a old holiday?
I really don't understand how you supposedly can go away and leave your problems behind. The things you worry about are in your head and you can't exactly chop that off and leave it in the fridge. Why does putting a 100 or so miles etween you and your front door change anything?
Say.. (I'm getting this from my book, Long Way Down by Nick Hornby. It's actually amazing) ... you have a missing sister. Driving 500 miles away from your house doesn't change the fact that she is missing. Why can you relax just because your not in your home? You won't forget that she's missing, and she won't magically re-appear.. so why does it help?
And in our case, we're taking the problem with us.
The Problem: Mum & Hugh's relationship.
The Solution: Break up.
The Worst Thing In The World You Could Possibly Do Together: Go on a "family" holiday.
. I've been trying so hard not to totally obsess about this in the last couple of days I've started dreaming about it.
That's why I'm depressed today. I did everything in my dream that I wish I could do in real life. Then I had that couple of minutes somewhere inbetween sleeping and being awake to work out I had been dreaming.
Waking up hurt someone angry is a very strange experience.
Plus I got so mad in my sleep my insides forgot to rest so I'm knackered.
I'm not going to be nice. I don't care.
Well, I do.
I don't want to upset my mum, but I try not upsetting my mum and then I get sick and that upsets her anyway.
People talk about expressing love a lot. Like how to tell somebody that you love them, and that you want to be with them always.
I want to find the perfect way to tell someone (well it's obvious who really) that I hate him and would be more than happy never to see him again.
Not speaking when he's around is a bit pathetic really, but I can't think of anything else to do. I'd love to think I could not speak for a whole week but my mum will talk to me and I can't not talk back because it would hurt her feelings. She kind of freaks when she think that I'm mad at her. I am going to avoid her as much as I can in the next couple of days though, because she keeps telling my to be nice and it makes me feel guilty.
I'm so screwed.
