Once upon a time, for that is how all proper fairy stories begin, there was a prince. His name was Prince Fanshaw and his parents, Queen Matilda and King Bruno the Wonderful, ruled over the land of Mordinia. They were happy, but they had a problem - the Prince would not marry! They had given hundreds of balls, concerts and parties in his honour. Yet he had not asked a single girl to dance.
"They are so dull," complained the Prince. "I don't like any of them and I certainly wouldn't marry them."
"But all princes get married," said King Bruno. "It is their royal duty." So King Bruno arranged that his son should start rescuing as many fair maidens as possible in the hope that he might find one he liked. First, Prince Fanshaw saved Princess Maribel Mont Percy from a giant toad. "BORING!" he yawned. Then he rescued Lady Elenor De Sax from a dragon. "TEDIOUS!" he cried.
So, in the end, the King and Queen just gave up.
One day, when he finished rescuing Lady Gillian Hope-Jones from a particularly smelly sea monstor, Prince fanshaw decided to go for a long walk. He was sick of being a hero. In fact, he wished that everyone would leave him alone. Wherever he went, the locals would shout: "Look, there's brave Prince Fanshaw!" Or, "Long live the Mordinian monstor slayer!"
Prince Fanshaw took his favourite path down the cliffs to the sea. It was a beautiful day - the sea glittered like silver foil, and the sky was a bright blue. Suddenly, for no reason at all, it stopped being a lovely day. The sea boiled and bubbled like Queen Matilda's home-made stew. The sky grew as black as a raven's wing.
"I hope it doesn't rain," said the Prince to himself. "My sword will rust up." But it did rain, very heavily, and soon huge drops were rolling down his sword buckle.
Prince Fanshaw looked around him. he saw a cave cut into the rock that he had never noticed before, and he ran down the path towards it. It was a cave which smelt of the sea and the wind. There was a bunch of seaweed hanging above the entrance and a sign which read:
"Please knock. No Tradespeople. Wipe your feet."
So he knocked on the side of the cave.
"Who is it?" asked a soft, girlish voice. There was something sad about it like the rustle of sea grass.
"May I come in?" asked the Prince. "It is I, Prince Fanshaw, and it's raining jolly hard."
"Oh! You are the monstor slayer?" said the voice.
"Yes," replied the Prince.
"Well, then you can't come in, for I am a monstor!"
"Have you eaten any fair maidens?" Asked Prince Fanshaw with a sigh. The creature gave a gasp. "No!" it cried in horror. "You see, I was once a maiden myself!"
"I won't hurt you," said the Prince, "but I don't quite understand. What do you mean, you used to be a maiden?"
"You had better come in and hear my story," said the small voice. So Prince Fanshaw entered the cave. It had small walls with fish painted upon them and it seemed to be empty, but the same small voice spoke again from the shadows.
"Once," it began, "I was a princess. I was Princess Floella and I lived in a lovely white castle, with fountains and peacocks. But I was very vain and very spoiled. I would not eat anything but the best chocolates and I would only wear dresses made of silk and pearls. I was rude to everyone, especially my mother and father - I even threw food at the princes who came to court me. Then I made my great mistake. On my sixteenth birthday, I hit a court magician with a blackcurrent pie. I aimed it at Prince Dotimand, who was in love with me, but it hit the court magician instead. He was so angry he turned me into a monstor, and I was immeidately banished.
"But now I realise that it was exactly the right thing I did. Being turned into this was the best thing that could ever of happened to me." And with that she stepped out of the shadows, revealing her true form. She was a huge lizard, wearing the remains of a torn party dress and a diamond necklace around her neck. Prince Fanshaw gasped, and stepped backwards, towards the mouth of the cave.
"You see, when I was trapped in the hopeless, weak body of Princess Floella, all I could do was throw food at annoying, poncy princes. Now, I can truly express what I think about them." Using her huge, scaley tail like a whip she threw Prince Fanshaw across the cave, where he hit a wall. The crack echoed around the cave. Prince Fanshaw let out a moan of pain as the monster turned back and advanced towards him once again.
"I am sick of stupid snivelling princes like you!" snarled Princess Floella. "I've heard about you, you know. I know how you tell poor princesses like I once was that they are boring, and that they are ugly. I'm going to enjoy this." Prince Fanshaw could only look on in horror, for the fear and sheer insanity of it all had rendered him entirely speechless. Floella arched a scaley eyebrow, "Aah well, I never did think much of your sword buckle,
"Nothing to say, eh?" she sighed. "Funny, I would have picked you for a screamer."
And with that, Princess Floella marched forward and swallowed Prince Fanshaw whole. He was still kicking when he hit her stomach.
"Aah," Floella sighed. "6 in one day, that's a new record." Rubbing her full belly, she marched off into the darkness of her cave, chuckling quietly as she planned her fashion week massacre.
First section from: Monstor Stories for Bedtime: Prince Fanshaw's Special Monstor.
Second section (embarassingly) from me. I think it must be the pre-fashion show bitchiness.
Sounds ridiculous but for me it's an achievment, I don't think I even sounded totally stupid either. So TAKE THAT Mr. Loader. I'm not stupid and quiet and I don't need any help from you.
