Another week exactly the same.
Science is going no better, I got 12/45 on a physics test earlier in the week but managed a C in biology which was ok. Physics and biology though... I don't understand them now and I don't think I ever will. I'm trying so hard with it and getting no where so I might as well give up really. Except I can't do that because then I'll feel worse when I fail. I don't see why I couldn't just be smart. It would make life so much easier, I think being smart when you want to be should be allowed, it would mean much less frustration all round really.
All of which isn't being helped all that much by Jemma. She's taken to using this Oh My God Could You Be Anymore Stupid voice with me in science everytime I don't understand something (i.e all the time). Just because she understands something doesn't mean everybody is going to, and I don't understand why she thinks it's ok for her to make me feel bad about it. And I can't talk to her about it because if I do I know she'll just say that I'm jealous she gets better grades than me. Which, fair enough does annoy me sometimes but the fact is the way she speaks to me has nothing to do with it. I faked needing the loo so I didn't have to sit in there with her any longer, I see myself yelling at her and regretting it so it was the best choice really. Plus I have a really annoying tendency to cry after I get angry with people and I'm definitely not planning on crying in front of people at school. They would probably laugh at me, lol.
So there I was, sat in the loos trying to calm myself down when Rose came in and asked me if I was ok. Which was sweet. Really sweet, actually because I'm mostly used to people ignoring me when I go all stupid like that. She told me it was annoying her too and talked to me so I could let off steam. It's weird and small, I know. But like... moments like that I realise she knows me better than I think.
And this is really sad but I have to say it. I HATE ALEXANDRA FROM BIG BROTHER! Arghhhh I can't stand her. Just watching her puts me in a bad mood. I HATE HER.
I love everything about this.
x
