So, me and mum have come to the conclusion that Hugh is definatly turning into his dad. This is also not a good thing. Hugh's dad has lost it, seriously. When we went round there after the whole Hugh putting petrol in a diesel van scenario on Friday night we went around to his house and his dad invited us in and gave us hot chocolate. Then after a while he kept going on and on about religion or something and then started to act out some weird thing, my mum went over and started talking to Sylvia but he carried on acting out this thing despite the fact that no one was watching. It was weird. I was thinking maybe he'd been drinking but we don't actually think he'd had the much. Basically he has a lack of marbles upstairs. He's also really rude. While we were around there he was speaking to John about something so my mum started asking Sylvia (Hugh's mum) how she was and stuff, and as soon as she started talking he just goes "Be quiet, I'm speaking now." And mum wasn't even speaking to him. Besides the fact that you just don't say that kind of thing to people! Seriously. I'm a teenager but I'd never be that rude to someone 
. So yeah, I just told mum that is what she has to look forward to, because today, after a whole week of being miserable and making her feel bad, he suddenly came around today completely happy and didn't mention anything that he been happening or any of the things that he's been moaning about. Truly weird.
So I guess at least they aren't arguing anymore. Not that that changes much really, I still feel terrible. And I'm worried now aswell because I've got school tomorow. I'm sure Beanie will have found something to stress at me about and Kailee still won't be happy and won't tell me why. I know I can't get mad at her for that, I guess it's just frustrating because I thought we were getting on really well and knew eachother and stuff... and yet she doesn't feel that she can tell me anything. But I know I can't be mad about that. I just like having distractions, I spend too much time getting stuck in my own head. I guess I see people with problems and instantly latch on to them because then I don't have to think about, you know, me.
Someone said something really harsh to me tonight which made me think a lot. Like, they were critisising me, a lot. And I guess they were right really. Well, right about some things, but one thing they said I actually think that they had wrong. Well, I thought that originally but now I don't know. I think like, as far as online in chatrooms goes I'm just not going to talk about myself anymore. I've had a crappy weekend... crappy whole week to be honest and last night and today I just felt that I wanted to talk about it, and I don't really have anyone here because I can't exactly call anyone and moan at them and my mum has her own stuff to deal with so... that leave people in chatrooms. I went online and the only 2 people in the chatroom were Katie and Sammie. I wasn't exactly thrilled with the fact that Sammie was there but she does sometimes say things that get through to me so you know, I thoguht I'd speak to them.. well.. I started talking about everything and then Sammie suddenly.. left. I didn't really understand what I could have done wrong because when I went in there I made sure that they weren't talking about stuff first, otherwise I would have got that I shouldn't have said anything. It was just.. I guess, well, even online you can get these kind of intense friendships with people. And Sammie well, she's one of the people that I really can't deal with, especially lately. She was one of these people that I was originally drawn to because she was clearly unhappy. We were really close at one point but she treated me badly and... I flipped. Since then it's kind of been tip-toing around eachother. There's just.. you don't really have to spend much time around her to figure out how she works, there's certain ways that she will do things, like you know, if she doesn't make a big deal out of saying bye and you just get "bye" then instantly she leaves then basically you know that you're in trouble. And yesterday night, when I started to speak she did that and left. I will be completely truthful and say that it really suprised me. I IMed her and basically realised that she didn't like the fact that I was unhappy. It's like, it's not just the fact that she isn't happy, it's like being unhappy is her "thing" and she doesn't want other people to be because they're obviously faking it. If that makes any sense? And... I don't know, we ended up having this stupid conversation where she made me feel like I was in the wrong, as usual. So I did what I should have done all those times before and stopped the conversation. I just, I don't really understand why she feels the need to do everything that she does. I think she doesn't have power over anything so she thinks if she controls everyone online then that makes up for it. I don't understand why she does it, but I do understand how she works. Which I guess is a good thing. I just don't understand why she did that. I basically said that I needed to talk to someone, and she left.
Which pretty much sums her up really.
Right now everything I feel is kind of conflicting. I just want to run away from like, my life now because a lot of the time it seems so suffocating, but at the same time as that I'm really scared of being by myself, and feeling lonely and stuff.
Hmm. Try and work that one out eh?
I think I'm gunna go and read for a bit.
Best form of escapism right? 
Night
x
