I hate last minute revision. Yes, I should have revised at the weekend but on Saturday I was out and on Sunday I was upset so I couldn't be bothered. Then I had half an hour after school but I didn't. Everything feels like a massive effort in the last few days, so not bothering is easier. The stupid thing is I don't know if I'm even revising for the right thing. I just went on Bitesize Physics and found something that looks a bit like what we're doing. I don't get physics. I haven't got anything that we've done for ages and I know everything I don't revise tonight is going to be in the test tomorow. And as if I wouldn't wind myself up enough if I got a U I now have to worry about it. My teacher said that she's not having anyone in her group getting Us so if anyone does she's making them do some embarassing forefit.. so now I'm really scared. I haven't got anything we've done since the last ISA. Granted, this test isn't so important, but it goes onto their records. I'm in the inbetween group so I don't know if I'm doing the higher paper of the foundation paper. In this case I really, really want to be able to do the higher. I was looking at courses at South Devon College in careers last week and the course that I need requires 5 A-C grades. With the foundation paper the maximum you can get is a C... and then there would be more pressure to get lots right and I would freak at the idea of having to get top and just.. it would go wrong. Plus I like the idea of getting a B. I'm predicted Cs in everything so I'm telling myself I have to get Bs. I'd kind of like to get an A in english, to prove myself wrong. Not gunna happen though :-/.
Urgh. So much reading. I have too much in my head so everything I read is basically flying out of my brain. I really don't get teaching. Ok, I guess if everyone is sat with their friends then they talk more, but when I'm sat with people that I know I actually do more work. Because where I'm sat in science at the moment is SO boring. When I'm bored my mind wanders, when I'm sat with Jemma she doesn't give me much choice but to listen, because she doesn't want to explain it all to me 5 minutes later... but when I'm sat with Jemma I don't have to worry so much because I do know that she's there to ask if I'm like :S when miss is done talking.
The thing is, with science revision you don't know exactly what you're supposed to be revising. I don't know if it's everything that we've done so far this year, or everything that we've done since the ISA. Argh. I don't see why she can't just know how I'm doing with my school work. I hate tests. Especially ones I haven't revised for. Especially when I'm worrying lots. And especially when everyone is going to do better than me and if I get a U she's going to make me do something embarassing. I was only 2 grades away from a U last time :-/. *Worries*
This is so boring. It's all environment stuff and how we should be preserving energy. I don't know. I guess gerothermal whatever isn't that big of an interest for me. I wish they would kind of put science in the sense of every day life. Like... I don't know. Just some way of explaining it so I would think of it in that way and then understand it. Rather than just be sat there clueless all the time. Clueless and worried.

Nugget (hamster) is still the same :(. I don't know what's going on really. I kind of want to take him to the vet seeing as nothing's.. happening but then I don't because the last one I took to the vet before she died.. well the vet dropped her and then she died in my hand on the way home.. which was horrible 'cause you like.. completely feel it. Anyway, I shouldn't have out her through all that and I don't want to have to do the same thing to him.. :(. Ohh. I love him to bits, he's all lovely and fluffy and everything.. I don't want him to go.. We keep giving him cucumber, because he hasn't come out of his house thing to get any water.. and cucumber has a lot of water in it. I think I'm coming across to my mum like I don't care anymore. I really do and it's hurting my stomach and stuff... but I can't get all emotional and stuff again because I don't like getting like that. And last night was all scary so I don't want to upset her again.

Mum cried last night. I hate it when people cry because I never quite know what to do. Give them a hug I guess, but then I'm kind of weird about hugging. Hugh and her have fallen out. They normally do a lot around Christmas but that doesn't stop it bothering me. He's always weird around Christmas, he never wants to be here. He is constantly going on about us holding him back and him wishing that he was in Australia. He has been to Australia ONCE in 20 years for Christmas. They have been together 10 years. Yeah. It's all our fault. :roll:. And then there's the whole Christmas Day thing. For the last four years we've barely seen mum all day 'cause she's been out in the kitchen cooking for his parents. Then there's the fact that we're stuck with his parents for most of the day. His dad has to be the most boring person in the universe.. and his mum makes me on edge. To be honest, both of them do. And mum's always all stressed because she's worrying about Hugh not wanting to be here, she's not wanting his parents to be here and she's just... not enjoying herself. So this year I think the plan was we go to some church in the middle of Dartmoor (not my idea of fun, but hopefully it'll make her happy). And Hugh said that he wanted to take us to dinner somewhere in the evening. Fine. THEN he goes and says that we should go around to his parents for the day and that they should come out with us in the evening. NO. Mum says no, because she wanted a more relaxing Christmas than we normally have. Hugh gets nasty, and we do the whole leaving the phone off the hook for hours thing, so that he can't call. I basically ended up saying that whenever anyone else comes in, everything gets all screwed up. I'm not helping and I know it, whenever I get the chance I'm saying about the few days in the summer when I thought we were going to get to have Christmas just us. 'Cause I can tell you honestly, when we got there and there was the realisation that we done it, we'd gone with out him and it was over ("over" ha..) the first thing I thought was Ooooh, We Get To Have A Nice Christmas!.
So much for that.
I think I know what I'm getting for John now though...

I got 3 out of 10 on the Bitesize test.
Great.