Ok. I've decided that I really shouldn't do posts when I'm all stupid and emotional because they make no sense and I just sound insane. Yeah.
So, now, I've decided that I'm midley sane. I only feel slightly sick and I've eaten and everything's been ok. So everything's ok from that point of view I guess. Wait another few months and the "issue" will probably be dragged up again. At least it's not weekly anymore.
I'm really not expecting you to know what the hell I'm on about. I don't even know, really.
So, today. I went down to pre-school with my mum because she was reading one of her books to the children there and she was all nervous so I said I'd go and be the sane not scared of small children one. Plus that's where I wanna do my work experience so the woman that run it actually knowing who I am didn't seem like such a bad thing. It's changed so much since mum used to work there. I used to go up there and help them set up for the week on Monday nights and everything was always kinda... disorganised. There were bad relationships with the hall commitee (I live in one of those annoying old people villages) and they basically didn't let them have any storage space or time in the main hall with the bikes. But the woman in charge now, Mel, has sorted all of that out and now the relationships between pre-school and everyone else are much better.
I've also found out that the reception teacher at my old primary school has had some kind of nervous breakdown. It's weird, because everyone says they would never have thought of that happening to him, but I can kind of see it. He was never exactly in the real world, and when you spend all your time being all.. I don't know, day dreamy I spose.. the real world is very crap and hard to deal with. Plus it didn't sound like the OFSTED people helped him much.
So I guess I haven't done anything useful with the first 'official' day of my holidays. I'm glad we went out though, because getting all scared of standing up and readin on front of everyone probably took mum's mind of Hugh for a bit. She cried about it this morning a bit. I'm doing my best to be sympathetic but back in the summer when she let him come back in I told her that this was going to happen, but she just said she didn't know how she was supposed to keep everyone happy and that I should give him a chance, because I hadn't heard how upset he was. I know how upset he made everything though, he tried to put half of it on me at one point.
That morning was horrible.
Anyway. So now we're basically back to the whole holiday situation. Because mum told him that she didn't think that he should come on holiday with us.. if you've been around a while you might remember, and now the same thing is happening with Christmas day. He said that we might aswell go and do our own different things and so mum has decided to assume that he's not coming. Which means when he inevitably thinks he's still coming and says "see you tomorow" on Chrismas eve everything will kick off. Because rather than just being like "ok" mum says she's going to say everything about what he's said and that because of all their crappy pointless arguments he isn't coming. Except she probably doesn't think thr arguments are crappy and pointless. And they're not even arguments they're.. I don't know. Hurtful comments, I guess. I think it's a power thing. Because it used to be that she relied on him for everything. That was awful. She was so sad and dissapointed all the time.. that was when she went in to hospital with the breathing/depression related stuff. She basically relied on him to be this person that he wasn't. But it's different now. It's hard to explain.. but.. I wanna explain it.
Just since the summer.. I don't know. I guess everythig that happened then has made things a lot better in some respects, because now he doesn't stay anymore mum has got a bit more power over what's going on.. and he doesn't like that. He hates it, he's started making comments about being on his own all the time because mum's decided that because of her beliefs him sleeping here isn't right. Surely he should respect that? But instead he just tried to make her feel bad about it. In the summer he made so many promises which.. GOD. EVERYTHING HE SAYS IS BULLSHIT. I just don't understand why I was the only one that could see that.
And OMG. I bet no one's gunna read this. But yesterday, we got to go up the college with John to see what the'd been doing and KEVICC, my school, john's old school.. they phoned the woman in charge of john's course and said that he should be at sixth form and that he was capable of it and that the he's too high ability for the course that he's on. THE SCHOOL DON'T KNOW HIM. The TA that he had told us too look of SDC! I'm making no sense now. But basically the school where trying to completely undermine her decision... when this was massive for her.
I think she's done the right thing. But I don't think that really counts for anything with her..
But with John, the fact is that he's not going to be able to get some high powered job. He wouldn't have been able to get through a-levels. His TA told us that Kennicott isn't made for someone like John. A lot of it is independant studies and he wouldn't be able to do that because unless he's got someone there it just doesn't work.. WE KNOW what we're doing so how is the school allowed to undermine that? What did they think they were achieving by doing that?! It's upset me because it's upset my mum.
I'm just scared that everything's going to get too much, she's got tons of work.. she's worrying about me which I HATE and Hugh.. and now this it's just :@. Argh, I'm scared but I don't think there's anything I can do. I wanna go and tell whoever made that phone call to fuck off but it was jo ramsey so I've got no idea who it would have been.
how are they allowed to do that?
They have no contact with us and they are a shitty school.
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