Day didn't start well. I cried over a music video. Luckily I was the only one up.
Then we had to go and have lunch with Hugh which didn't help and mum & John have annoyed me again. Hugh has been invited to some running club and he's in's barbeque and basically what we're going to spend out evening doing is not knowing anyone. Then mum will find someone to talk to and I then have to stand there and pretend I'm interesting in what they're talking about, or (worse) they have daughter their who's my age and thinks me and her should go somewhere to talk and then I don't know what to say so I have to spend all my time feeling awkward until they find an excuse to leave. And I don't even know why we're going, we're nothing to do with Hugh now. Tho apprently we still are.*re-thinks contract killer idea* 
. So mum was saying that she didn't want to go and then John flew into a mood because he wants to go and then he was going on about how we should be going and when I said that it was going to be crap I got yelled at.
Whenever John doesn't want to go to something and makes loads of comments he doesn't seem to get yelled at.
AND THEN when they thought I was listening to my walkman John was bitching about me being difficult and he then said how when he doesn't want to go to something he goes anyway and then ends up enjoying it. FUCKING LIER. He makes a MASSIVE fuss over every single little thing and then stays in a mood for about a week afterwards until someone does something that he wants. Whenever something like this happens they both seem to do everything that they can to make me look bad and it isn't fair. This isn't do do with him being special needs. It is called: Being A Twat.
So now I'm being pissed off with both of them mum is wondering what is wrong and asking me what she's said wrong.
I'm staying up here till I calm down.
I'm actually being nice by doing this even tho I want to go and scream at them.
They won't realise that tho, they'll just say to eachother that I'm being a bitch.
She also said if tonight sounds so bad then don't come. So they don't care if I'm there or not 
.
I know how ridiculous I'm being. Seriously, I do know how pathetic all of this sounds. Still can't stop it tho.
>.< Someone get me out of here before I hurt someone.
That someone probably being me. I already have. I kicked a wall. With soft shoes on. I thought I'd broken my foot but it doesn't hurt anymore.
I feel better now tho. Not better enough so that I would advise myself to go downstairs. John is watching tv I hate. It's too tempting.
Tho of course, how my brain is right now if I caused a bit problem to stop myself feeling bad I'd decide that they both deserve me to treat them like shit.
My mum probably doesn't even tho she's upset me. But actually, John does cause he won't stop being horrible even tho I stopped being mean to him.
Maybe I should start being mean to him again cause he stopped while I was doing that.
AND O.M.G WHILE I'M ON THE SUBJECT
ARGGGGGHHHHHRHRHRHHHHDF[GOEHN
When I got pissed off John goes "Oh I feel bad for wanting to go down"
Like fuck he does.
Y'know, Rose is the only one that believes me on this. I wish she was here now. But she's on holiday.
Oh yeah, and I think my internet is breaking. The phone keeps ringing while I'm online. Seeing as I have dial up this isn't exactly normal.
And then I get knocked offline. I'm writing this offline because it happened twice in less than 2 minutes. I don't wanna loose this tho. I'm posting how I feel and I would be bothered about how that made me look but one person has looked at it in the last 2 weeks so I'm not that bothered anymore. Lol.
And they saw one of my happy posts.
Before John ruined it.
And it was John that ruined.
I can't believe a music video made me cry.
Madeliene McCann
100 Days
xXx
