Angst? Me? Never.

Cried tonight. Must be the first time that I have since last summer. I feel equally better and worse I guess. Worse, because my mum is blaming everything that's "wrong with me" on her. It's no ones fault, and people saying that they haven't done enough makes me feel worse. I made my mum cry. ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
it's no on purpose, trust me, i'd be normal if i could. I just odn't feel happy a lot, am argument set me off tonight, but a lot of the time I feel sad for no reason. And I can never be bothered with anything anymore. I'm SO saick of feeling like this. I want someone offline to talk to. Cuz, i obvioucly can't talk to mum, i new that already tho. And no one else oculd acre less. Argh, am gunna get yelled at if i dont't go to bed in a sec. Atm no one's up here. so i'm ok
argh
feet
bye

I feel… Sorta okish. Guilty. And worried, I don’t know why I’m worried, and I guess the fact that I apparently am for no reason is worrying me because now I’m worried that something is going to happen. If you see what I mean. Guilty, well, cause of yesterday, I know I can’t let myself get all into doing that. I just felt so low and on my own. And I guess, that helped, dunno why, but it did. Also feel annoyed. Mum is on the phone so I can’t get on the internet (am doing this via word, so I can copy it in). I know that we should just get broadband, but there are so many people complaining and saying theirs doesn’t work and stuff that mum decided that she can’t be bothered with it, so, we have to keep going like this, i.e. Hugh getting mad at me cuz he can’t phone mum when he wants. Annoyingly mum gave him my addy so now he can e mail me telling me to get off the comp or else. Heh, if I wanted to be really annoying an stroppy teenagerish I could ignore the mail. Hehe, I think I might do that. Cuz I’m kinda mad at him, not that he knows that, mainly cuz I haven’t seen him for over 5 mins in about a week, and anyway, I can’t be bothered. Basically, he said to my mum “you can carry on like you are, but I don’t want to be like this anymore.” I wasn’t there when he said it, else he would have regretted it. But I can’t believe he said that. What is it to do with him how we live our lives? He upsets John allllllllllllllllllllllll the time and then doesn’t get why he gets mad and starts hitting an biting himself and why I spend all my time on the internet cuz frankly I can’t be bothered with it anymore. But, then, why should I expect him to know or care? Gods knows. I just don’t see the point in him. All he does is cause problems. But, again, I could say that 500 times over while hanging upside down off the ceiling and no on would listen to me.
I wonder if Robyn feels better today.. She was upset because someone asked her out and when she said no he looked really upset. I didn’t really know what to say. And before that I didn’t either (she told someone she liked him and it turned out he didn’t feel the same). All I could say was he’s probably gay. Well, tbh, he probably is. She’s really pretty, funny and everyone is in love with her. They were here and from what she says, they are there as well. I wanted to point that out to her, but I thought that it would sound really bitter. Which, I’m not really, I just sound it sometimes. Tho, I’ve been told I’m really bitter. Must stop blaming everything on my form teacher…
But, what else are form teachers for? Any suggestions? Argh, hopefully my mum will be off the phone by now, else I might have to politely unplug it….

She wasn’t off the phone. I tried sighing really loudly a couple of times but she ignored me. Bored bored bored bored bored. And its 4:15, chat will be open by nowwwww. I could be missing time with HP, tho I don’t actually know if her chat room is open yet. John is revising next door, else I’d go and try and keep myself occupied by unbordifying him. I feel weird and miserable and hyper and happy.. and my stomach hurts. Argh, I’m so annoying. Ahh well.. anyone every felt like that tho? A part of me just feels like being annoying, and being horrible and stuff. I think that would make me feel a hell of a lot better. But, as I said, John’s revising and Hugh isn’t here. That leaves my mum, but I get the feeling she’s in a bit of a mood over the sighing thing, so I think I’ll leave her alone.
Ooooooooh, and I have another thing to feel bad about (lolol) I was doing doing stuff od my food tech proj and now I have found out I have the worst diet in the universe and I need to exercise more. But, the fact is, crap is nice and I can’t be bothered to do anything that takes up any energy. I think my 2 hours of sleep last night agrees. Lying awake at night must be one of the crappiest things everrrrrrrr. I hate it. And it makes me feel like crap all day, or like I’ve been sat on several times. Not that I could say that wouldn’t happen. Not with John around anyway..

She’s still on the phone, dunno what the amazingly exciting thing they are talking about is. Don’t even know who it is. I could pick up the other phone and eavesdrop but it goes all echoey so you can tell someone is listening. And if she’s talking to Hugh I really don’t get the excitement. This is the man that stops at the side of the road to go and look at a house that isn’t built yet.
Goddddddddd, I’m so horrible. I would say when did this happen. But, as I’m sure I’ve said. I’ve always been like this. I think I might go and find something to eat. Actually, that probably isn’t very healthy. And anyway, what do we have? Carrots? No thanks. Hmmm.. I might go and make myself a snack thingy. Who knows? I might invent a new food
ha ha.