Ok, explanation needed. He was a guy that I went out with because I thought that he liked me. The fact that both of his best friends were going out with people they seemed to be all over all the time didn't occur when i said yeah, cause i thought "awww, he seems really nice". And.. i only saw him a couple of times a week for a while. But then... we went to the cinema. And.. well that's when everything went a bit wrong. From then on whenever his friends where around his was trying to be all over me and stuff.. and well, i figured out what the point in me being there was. Cause none of his friends made an effort to talk to me, i was just there, and extra or something. and.. well, i stopped going to the club, i couldn't think of a nice way to say "you are a twat" so.. i kinda never saw him again. Not that it stopped worrying me. God no. its only recently that I have relaxed when i have been in Torquay lol. And.. I accidently found his bebo a couple of days ago. And i was stupid enough to tell Robyn that. She went on his bebo. She told me she wouldn't comment. She did. She basically called him a load of crap and "do you remember lydia". I got mad. really mad. I said to her i couldn't belive that she has done it, because I only told her that I found it cause i trusted that she wouldn't tell anyone. And then she was like "oh, it must have been a different robyn" clicked on the link. Nope. Her. I hate her. She isn't here anymore. She doesn't control things anymore. I don't see why she can't just leave me to get on with my life. She is the pretty one who everyone likes, why can't she leave me to get on with things? I'm not pretty, I screw up a lot, i don't realy have many friends. She has everything. And yet she still seems to want to screw things up for me. I don't get it. I really don't.. And so now I feel crap. And everyone at school is probably not going to like me, because they all love Robyn. Ime, i just made friends with, Robyn will tell someting different i'm pretty sure. And then.. no more her. I just.. to be comepletly honest, can't be bothered anymore. I don't want to let Robyn make me feel like I'm the one in the wrong, i don't want to have who i am and am not friends with monitered. I don't want people to be told that I have bitched about then because I am making friends with them and Robyn didn't like hem and they hated her just as much. It's not fair. And I don't want to put up with it anymore.
I said a lot of that in chat, and then sammie had a go at me about the whole soph thing. I don't care about it. It's like.. if you're trying really hard to be happy, and there are people, that like.. you know don't really car,e if you stop bothering with them, does that make you a bad person? i'm just comepletly sick of having to be somebody else all of the time. I'm sick of having to be nice to everyone, because I'm Lydia and that's what i do. Maybfor once i could say "i can't take it anymore" but i can't, because then I get told how much worse it could be. and that i should start being an adult and think about everyone else. I can't be nice when i don't fee nice much anymore, i have to do it most of the time at school, i don't get cross with people most of the time, because what's yelling gunna do? So ignoring seemed like the best idea. Because.. what else is there? i mean, i seriously can't be bothered with the bitching and catty commenting- tho i am DEFINATLY telling rose this on monday. I really want to ring her now... or tomorow, or something. But i gunna have to wait..
I just, it feeels..
does everyone want me to be miserable?
Apparently..
yeah
=/
