i'm crying. it's stupid. like last night, this horrible feeling won't go away. looks like mike is about to start smoking. then (this is horrible and selfish of me and i hate myself more than anything for it) but then i think he's gunna get bored of me and stop caring. sammie keeps saying that she's gunna leave and then she has a go at me because i didn't realise that she was talking to me and her having go at me then ignoring me made me cry. so i stopped talking for a while then left. i just feel sometimes.. like sammie and mike are the only people i have, and they are gunna go away, and i don't wanna be on my own. i mean.. people care. i know. just.. with them it's different. and with them stopping caring (or maybe never caring, i don't know) it's so.. argh. and i have to stop crying because i can't make up an excuse to talke of my makeup so it doesn't show. and i don't want anyone to know, because then they'll wanna talk or something and i can't. i don't want to. not to them anyway. i just want someone to care and keep caring. the thing sammie sais that really made me care is when they were talking about someone called isis, and MM said about how she loves her, and sammie goes "at least someone does" and she's my friend, course i do.. so yeah, that made me cry. i'm not allowed to make any mistakes, i have to be perfect all the time, see everything. and i can't, i'm not good enough for her, or for anyone. rose never tells me anything. mike is gunna stop caring. sammie hates me. AND I CAN'T STOP FREAKIN CRYING