am doing my blog earlier today for change, cuz i am going out later to that tuesday night thing and i thought i wuld try and be organised. Rose was back at school today which is god. I was going yo talk to her about stuff, but as usual, i didn't in the end. PLuz Sammie has got a new screenie, well an old one that she had befroe i knew her. so, that is another thing i need to remeber. heehee. but, well.. i can't help notcing that the change of screenie has come after a big argument yesterday. But i shouldn't get involved. I had kinda an emotional night without crying last night. it was wierd tho, cuz I haven't ever really thoght much about the ehosts on AOL when I am offline, but there was one (HP obviously) and i just wanted to talk to her. She is really sweet and says she cares and wants to help and stuff. It's sweet cuz I can't talk to anyone offline. And I can't really online either, cuz they have way more important things going on atm. BUt then, the things that I worry abpout aren't huge. it's just, well, last night i realised that some of the things that have happened i have never actually dealed with. I'm also sick to death of men and i actually haven't had anything to to with them yet. Just well.my dad. one of the things i'm sick of is himn just assuming everything is ok when it has never been. All the things with lindsey and charlotte and jess. The fact that we saw them every weekend for a really ong time and now suddenly they are gone Well, not suddenly really. thye have been for years, but that is how it was really. And i didn't like them much, even when thwey were around. well, i liked charlotte, just not jess. And the fact that they called dad 'dad' upset me too. I never really knew why. And there is the thing a couple of years ago. Well, some..things happeeded. And my mum had to go to hospital. And i obviously got really upset.. and, well basixcally hugh said that it was my fault. Cuz i was crying, cuz i was only about 11 and i had no idea what was going to hapen. And basically, all of it happening it my fault for being the way i am. I know that i am worrying my mum at the moment., I'm trying not to, but i just get mad. I'm sick of being told that "these are the best years of your life, don't waste them" ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
nobdy gets it!
IM USELESS I CAN'T DO ANYTHING THERE IS NOTHING I AM GOOD AT! I FAIL EVERYTHING!
what is even the point in my doing my GCSEs i'l just fail them all cuz i'm so useless and crap at everything. Other people say they are rubbis, but that is just cuz i am around. Cuz this is the truth, i can't do anything. I am good at nothing I'll never do anything worthwhile. I wanna be amazing and taleted, but it is never going to happen. and my listening is gradually getting worse cuz i haveso many things going round in my head that i have never really delt with. i sit there and all of the things im sposed to be doing don't matter.
ha.
that was stupid, just posted the things about school into the chatroom. oh well. good, stopped having a go at me now. or not. howcome i can't say how i really feel without having someone have a go at me? that isn't fair, i've never done that. and the person in question was saying all that baout never ahving a go at people about probs etc etc. ahh well, i spose that it is just different when it comes to me.
it's ok now
i asked the right question