Hi. To anyone that cares the reason that I wasn’t here yesterday was that I felt so crap and pointless I didn’t think that it was worth writing an entry.
Today? Well, I was feeling a lot better but John has ruined that. He is being really really really horrible to me today, everything I say is ‘stupid’ and ‘boring’. I was thinking about talking to my mum about it, but she is already annoy ed with me cuz I am on the computer still and cuz I snapped at John a minute ago when he asked “what was the point?” of me going on the computer. Sometimes I wonder why the hell I talk at all, all I seem to do is make things bad and not help John. Ill just be a lemon from now on. Sit there and say nothing. Not that it’ll work out. Another thing that is annoying me slightly is Big Brother. I am interested in Jade Goody’s boyfriend. Not in ‘ that way’ but I have just noticed that he is really shy and doesn’t really have any confidence. Which I also think that Jade Goody doesn’t help with, when her mum got evicted he came over and tried to give her a hug, but she shoved him off and went off with a load of people that she barely knows. And she had a go at him. I don’t see why people in there don’t try more about talking to him. Isn’t it really obvious that he is shy and stuff? Well it is to me, nut Rose didn’t really notice as much as I did till I started talking about it. But then I can’t talk about it a lot because then everyone will think I fancy him, which, I don’t. I was like that with Mr (can’t really say second name). We had him for the cultural awareness day thingy at school. All the chavs absolutely loved him cuz he is down to earth and stuff. Also Robyn fancies him. And he had everyone sat in a circle and we had to go round asking him stuff about himself. But, well, some how, don’t really remember how, the subject of his dad came up. And.. well… I don’t know why, but I, I just kinda knew something had happened. Cuz for some reason I found him interesting (NOT in that way) so I was watching carefully. And, well, I noticed something in his eyes kinda.. go out, I think, when his dad came up. And about 5 minutes later I got my explanation. His dad left and his mum didn’t want them to have anything to do with the dad so she changed his name or something. It sounds weird I know, but for some reason I’m always gunna remember that. I bet he would think it was weird if he knew, I mentioned it too Rose but she didn’t really think about it much. I think that must be why I don’t really fit in. Cuz I watch. Anyway, so, today has been okay I spose. Well there was a couple of things that upset me. Mainly this.. In maths, Geena wanted me to sit by her, and there was a free seat so I went and sat in it. And there was a chav in the chair next to this seat and he started yelling at me when I sat down. And I don’t mean that as in me blowing this out of proportion. He was really shouting at me, just for sitting there. It really upset me a lot. But I know, he wouldn’t care. But I defiantly hate him now. He’s a STUPID PATHETIC LITTLE BOY!!!!!!!! I know that I sound like a bitch. But I really don’t have a place where I can say what I am really thinking. All the time at the moment I feel as tho I have a big cauldron inside me and everything I constantly being sturred around. Again, that sounds drama queenish. But it is how I feel. And I wanna be happy, but all of it is stopping me. And… well…. When I could cry I didn’t have this problem. I just feel like crying but the nothing actually happens. I think I have an alien inside of me that uis constantly screaming. Anyway. Apologies to anyone who read this. Night.