Angst? Me? Never.

How long will thse last?? eek.

1. be more organised.
2. Eat healthy.
3.STOP biting my nails
4.Practise buitar EVERYDAY
5.get fader!!!!
6.Be a better friend
7.Make bed everyday
8.Get more confident
9.Have nice hair
10.Change how I look

eek, well I'm getting my hair cut on Wednesday, so that'll help with 2 of them.

hello 2007. It didn't really get off to the best start. To begin with adults are absolutly mad. This is why i was being draged acroos Dartmoor in hail rain and wind, cuz 'it's good to get some fresh air' And when I was trying really hard not to be moody. hugh (as usual) was being really horrible to John. We were waiting outside some loos on the way home and John waited outside but I stayed in the car and Hugh sat there saying things like "Why does he stay out there" "is he completly stupid?" etc. And So I told him not to comment cuz it wasn't worht it. And then when he carried on I said it wasn't John's fault cuz he doesn't think about it really. And then Hugh said "yeah, cuz everyone has to think for him!" and at that point I lost it with him. HOW DARE HE! then I get called horrible etc. But whp really cares. He cannot say that kind of stuff about John. John is special needs, he isn't lik everbody else, he doesn't think the same. That is no reason to be horrible to him! And also Hugh expects him to grow up, cuz he still seems really young even tho he is 16. But how can a person grow up when there is something in their brain that means they can't? This is the thing that really gets me though. His latest job is to design a building for these people who own a special needs school. And he is going on about how 'interested' he is and how he wants to know 'how people's minds work' FOR HEAVENS SAKE!!! that is a lie he never tried with John, he makes him worse, half the time we have had a really good day with him untol Hugh arrives and ruins EVERYTHING! I hate him. And my mum is worried about me saying this to him cuz she thinks that he'll hit us. If he did I would be gone. No question about it. I woldn't care. I just wouldnt wana be within a million miles of him. I don't want to be now, but it isn't like I have any choice. And then today I had to pretened to be nice for my mum and John's sake. I told my mum when Hugh had gone though. And she looked really upset which I feel bad about. But what can I do? When i was on my own I started shaking and stuff. I really want to cry. Today has been so frustrating! But I just can't. Everything is just feeling worse and worse. It isn't that I don't wana be here anymore. Cuz I would never say something like that. It's just after days like today. If i could go up to my room and bawl my eyes out I@m sure that I would feel a hell of a lot better. That's what I always used to do. And it always worked. But now I have nothing. I also have no escape place either. it used to be the internet. But it just stresses me even more now. Anyway. I have to go.